Today it has been five years since you and I promised each other forever. Five years…time flies when you’re having fun, eh? Or something like that.
Tonight I’m reminded that marriage isn’t always fun. In fact, It’s a lot of hard work. Its a ton of falling down and then getting back up- trying and trying again. It’s releasing your ego and desperately racing after it again upon second thought only to watch it float away out of reach into the night sky. Its grieving that loss of child-like certainty, an I-don’t-give-a-shit-what-you-think attitude. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to care what you think. And then I realize that I don’t actually *have* to care, I want to care because you have never stopped giving me chances.
Truth is, I still love you with just as fierce a commitment today as I did on that day five years ago. I guess I entered this relationship in a realistic kind of way. I’ve always known that the marriages which last are the ones in which people fight for each other and yet I also couldn’t have imagined just how gut-wrenching the growth that fighting produces could actually be. The key to this, as I see it now, is that we both take responsibility for our individual growth and hold each other accountable for that growth as well. Our fighting is productive! I think we were lucky to find that willingness in each other. You reel me back in when I’ve gone off the deep end and I do the same for you. Oh, who am I kidding? You never go off the deep end. But I do keep telling you what I think. You are the only person in the world whom I trust enough to hold even the ugliest of my feelings.
If ever we stop believing in us, stop talking, stop fighting, stop caring- that will surely be the beginning of the end. Lest you ever forget, please hear me now my love, I’m never EVER gonna give you up.